Evidence of a vanished civilization has long been
suspected to exist under the thick layer of earth laid down at the close of
the last ice age.
Known as the Bretz floods, numerous colossal tidal-waves of melted glaciers
swept over Eastern Washington and down the Columbia River Gorge, ponding over
the Portland area, and depositing silt, before flowing out to sea.
Sand, gravel, and finally, clay covered all that had been created before
10,000 years ago, leaving no physical trace of existence for future
generations of inhabitants.
Psychic archeology, however, can sometimes probe to depths of hundreds of
feet. Although not fully understood nor accepted by authorities, no one can
argue with results. The Mystery Hole™ stands in mute yet undeniable
testimony to the validity of following the mind's eye with pick and
shovel.
No one would have suspected from looking at an ordinary wild blackberry patch
in a suburban backyard, that Oregon’s most incredible archeological site
lay waiting beneath. No one, that is, except those using their natural
psychic abilities to “see” a Giant Double Arch™, a stupendous
Gaping Tunnel™, and cryptic rock inscriptions appearing to be
lazer-blasted in a strange stone-like material indistinguishable from our
modern day concrete.
No one can say with authority that breathing the peculiar, cool air which wafts up from the Mystery Hole can cure any and every illness you might have. Nor that you will suddenly have more money than you know what to do with. Nor that you will find true love in less than a month.
However, there are those who feel that they have been helped in health, romance, and/or money by breathing the Enchanting Vapors of Encouragement™.
Without being certain of who dug the Woodstock Mystery Hole, it is virtually impossible to determine how it was created. The absence of pick and shovel marks points to crude methods by a primitive people. However, this is given by some researchers as evidence of extraterrestrial activity. Indeed, marks not unlike laser-blasting are clearly visible on the walls of this gaping cavern, adding fuel to the fires of debate. Most experts and theorists do agree on one thing -- it was not created by natural forces.
The Mystery Hole goes all the way to the bottom. The depth of
the Woodstock Mystery Hole has never been accurately determined by modern
scientific methods, and estimates vary greatly, but the over-all consensus is
that it is very deep.
Perhaps the most puzzling mystery of all is the original
purpose of the Hole. Theories have been hotly debated since the discovery of
this enigmatic wonder by modern Man. Was it used as shelter? Was it a
ceremonial kiva? Was it an outpost for beings from another planet? Did
someone just dig a hole?
Well, it seems that more questions than answers have been unearthed by the
discovery of the Woodstock Mystery Hole.
The scientific establishment remains remarkably silent in the Woodstock Mystery Hole controversy. Perhaps, as some insiders speculate, they still haven't figured it out themselves. Until they do, the whole family can join in on the fun of theorizing and postulating.
Safety and protection are major concerns at the Mystery
Hole. Since it's not safe, protection is needed. For this purpose, liability
waivers are available for signatures before descending into the depths.
I, the undersigned, do hereby certify that I must be out of my mind to climb down into a damp, dark hole when I'm perfectly safe where I am.Signed _____________________________
Dated _____________________________
Perfectly aligned with the North Star, a stupendous arch
stands guard at the entrance to the phenomenal gaping tunnel at the bottom of
the sensational Woodstock Mystery Hole. The ratio of the height to width is
precisely 1.618 -- the same ratio found in natural spirals from sunflower
heads, to snails’ shells, to spiral galaxies. This “Golden
Mean” of geometry was not determined until the 13th century! How could a
primitive people have known the solution to a problem that took
mathematicians centuries to unravel? Perhaps the architects were not so
primitive after all.
No tool marks can be detected on the arch, lending credence to the theory
that they were carved by a superior culture with sophisticated technology,
which our civilization is only now developing. However, this “gods from
the sky” theory fails to answer two big questions: “Why would an
advanced civilization place a message-stone deep in the earth, and when will
they return?”
Mysterious “carvings” on Giant Double Arch have endured the untold
eons, but their meanings have been lost in the sands of time. Attempts to
decode the ancient symbols have only added to the confusion. Is that really a
flying craft with a pilot at the controls? Do those formula hint at a cure
for cancer? Could the star pattern on the vault be a clue to the origin of
mysterious visitors from space?
How Old is the Arch?
The novice archeologist might date the arch at less than 5,000 years, simply
going by the thick over-layer of sediment from ancient floods. But,
extraterrestrials who have mastered the art of laser blasting could put an
arch anyplace they feel like.
Perhaps the most incredible discovery of all: a massive,
rough-hewn, but intricately carved, entrance to...? Could it be a
subterranean city complex?
At the far end of a side tunnel in the very depths of the Mystery Hole™
sits a portal created in a scale unmatched even by the Giant Double
Arch™. The vast, as yet immovable door speaks of a people whose height
is almost unimaginable to us.
The subterranean complex hasn’t been found yet, but most researchers
doubt that an entrance would have been created without something to enter.
Only further excavations will unravel the Hole “truth”.
Those who dare to stare into the infinite depths of
darkness may find themselves face-to-face with a darker side of their
personas. It is believed that each of us has a dark side that we reveal to no
one, not even ourselves. Shocking personal revelations await those who dare
to gaze into the infinite depths of the awe-inspiring, megalithic slab.
What will your reflection be, in the entrancing “Black Obsidian”
Mirror of a Higher Truth™?
How thick is it?
Many are startled to learn that it is actually less than three inches
thick.
Where did it come from?
Complex techniques of an advanced civilization are evident in the incredibly
flat, polished mirror surface. Some questions may never be answered
satisfactorily.
In the years following the unsolved mystery of its sudden
horizontal realignment in 1988, the Mystery Tower has passed through many
phases. At times it was 66.6% erect -- at times only 33.3%. It stood at 100%
for a time, inspiring all who bore witness to its height. Replacement of the
giant “fluorite crystal,” shattered in the Realignment of '88, will
be guided by cryptic inscriptions ensculptured on the Giant Double
Arch™.
What’s the Mystery Tower for?
It may very well be years before its true purpose is determined. In the
meantime, it serves as a holy beacon to Fun seekers, a rock gym, an axis
mundi, and more. Until the transceiving fluorite crystal is ready, a sailing
boat serves well as a substitute, rewarding climbers with mountain views and
dreams of far-off worlds.
It has been said that a force powerful enough to charge the entire planet
with positive energy could be generated from a tower such as the one depicted
on the Arch.
Visitors are encouraged to take pictures of the Suggested Photo Spot: designated by the Center for Land Use Interpretation, and highlighted by an exciting, pointed electrical display.
Affectionately called Molokai by some admirers, the gargantuan History Mole embodies the spirit of obsessed diggers the world around: advancing with shovel poised and a gleam in the eye. Being photographed with Molokai is said to bring good fortune for diggers, and to ward off caving, running ground, and bad air.
All who have wishes are encouraged to drop a coin in the Wishing Pipe. Visitors are astounded to learn that every wish is 100% unconditionally guaranteed for life.
Black as the Hole itself, visitors defy gravity by
gripping the Mystery Pole with gloved hands while descending from the Mystery
Hedge Walk.
In addition to being listed in many guides of what to see
and do in the Pacific Northwest, the increasingly-popular void known as the
Woodstock Mystery Hole has received more than its share of in-depth media
attention.
Anodyne, a Portland arts and culture magazine, dedicated more than two
literary pages, with Mr. E. Mann emerging from the Mystery Hole on their
cover for September 1997. Anodyne is no longer published.
(video) KATU
TV in Portland Oregon, as part of their “What's Weird About
Portland” series, gave viewers a quick view of the Hole on November 9,
2007.
KGW TV’s locally-produced program, Good Evening, featured a tour of the
Hole with Mary Alice Rosko, giving viewers a rare glimpse of the Giant Double
Arch, Mystery Tower, and Stupefying Double-wide Stairway to Upthere. The
program has since gone off the air.
Lex
Loeb’s UFO Museumoffers an online tour which
may be quite dark on most monitors, enhancing authenticity.
Monk magazine's Portland issue, which finally hit the newsstands in late
1994, included a lengthy, somewhat fictionalized, exploration of the Hole.
Monk Magazine is no longer published.
Monk Travellists recommended places in Portland which
they have visited and enjoyed. Scroll on down to find the Hole.
The Nose, a now-defunct magazine out of San Francisco, published an article
attempting to explain some of the Hole mysteries in their July/August 1994
issue.
Portland's Oregonian newspaper included a large color photo of the entrance
to the Mystery Hole™ in August 1992.
The Portland
Tribune’s premier issue of Cue magazine prominently featured the
Hole on December 21, 2001. Cue magazine is no longer published.
Strange
Universe aired a sensationalized tour of the Mystery Hole at least three
times before strangely going off the air -- or have they?
(video) Waffle
Machine condensed a full tour into a 4 minute video.
Weird
Mysteriessite circles back around to Lex
Loeb’s UFO Museum, but on the way you’ll see new photos.
(video) Weird America toured the
Hole in August 2003, and compiled a video.
For a month, Widmer Brothers
Brewing promoted the Mystery Hole in radio spots all over Portland for
their “Nothing filtered out” ad campaign. Radio provides the
perfect medium for visualizing void art works such as the Hole.
Wild
Life: Unusual Oregon by Mark Christensen includes a large photo of
Mr. E. Mann beside the Hole, and an enticing and accurate description of it.
(Sasquatch Books 1997).
Awareness of the Mystery Hole continues to spread by word of mouth from person to person through the grassroots grapevine of the people.
Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900) wrote, before women were acknowledged to exist in writing:
“No man but feels more of a man in the world if he have a bit of ground that he can call his own. However small it is on the surface, it is four thousand miles deep; and that is a very handsome property.”An excerpt from My Summer in a Garden.